FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
January 26, 2008
F.A.B.A. Announces Much Anticipated
Presidential Endorsement
STONEHAM, MA -- In what has come to be known as "The China Moon
Summit", the F.A.B.A. (Fat, Aging, Bald Association) Grand Council
announced that they are supporting John McCain in his presidential bid.
F.A.B.A. Prime Minister stated, "We did an exhaustive amount of research
and uncovered the candidate that has our membership's best interests at
heart. We looked at Hillary's fat ass, but the baldness and agedeness just
weren't there. Of course, Giuliani's wrinkles and bare skull put him under
consideration, but, in the end, we had to say that two out of three is not good
enough for our membership. McCain has it all. None of the other candidates
comes close to his baldness, fatness and ancientness.
In a bid to fend off the endorsement of McCain, Obama and Edwards teamed
up to spew viscious rumors. As reported on "Inside Edition" stories about
McCain shaving his head and eating massive amounts of Little Debbie
snackfoods to build his girth have been been spreading across the internet
for weeks.
When asked by a reporter if Obama, Edwards or Romney had been
considered for endorsement, the King of F.A.B.A., after a fit of laughter, said
"They disgrace all we stand for. Maybe Obama should go court the
Skinny-Ass Big Ear Society and Edwards and Romney should fight it out for
the Hairdressers' Union endorsement. They may age someday, but they will
never be fat or bald. Their prettiness disgusts us."
The F.A.B.A. endorsement vote was not even close. Two votes were initially
cast for McCain. But, the Emperor of F.A.B.A. was unable to take part
because, like Castro, he has been in seclusion with an undisclosed illness. In
a stunning development, against the advice of doctors, he emerged to cast
his vote via teleconference, making the decision unanimous. In his
weakened voice, the Emperor stated, "I never considered my own health. I
would cast my vote for the decrepit, rotund, McCain with my last breath if
need be."
When hearing of the endorsement, Senator McCain could not hold back his
tears of joy. He said, "I hoped for this, but could never let myself believe it
would happen. My victory is insured now and I will live up to all F.A.B.A.
stands for. Immediately after taking the oath of office I will strike down all
transfat bans, and in fact file a bill mandating that transfats be added to all
foods. Next, I will file legislation to shut down all Hair Clubs for Men and
outlaw toupees under the penalty of death. Futhermore, all citizens under the
age of 50 will be required to wear beanie caps so that they can immediately
be indentified and discriminated against in all areas of life. They will be
required to work at menial jobs and live in gated communities. Once they
turn fifty, and should they become bald or fat, they will be allowed to join us
in the glory that is F.A.B.A."
January 26, 2008
F.A.B.A. Announces Much Anticipated
Presidential Endorsement
STONEHAM, MA -- In what has come to be known as "The China Moon
Summit", the F.A.B.A. (Fat, Aging, Bald Association) Grand Council
announced that they are supporting John McCain in his presidential bid.
F.A.B.A. Prime Minister stated, "We did an exhaustive amount of research
and uncovered the candidate that has our membership's best interests at
heart. We looked at Hillary's fat ass, but the baldness and agedeness just
weren't there. Of course, Giuliani's wrinkles and bare skull put him under
consideration, but, in the end, we had to say that two out of three is not good
enough for our membership. McCain has it all. None of the other candidates
comes close to his baldness, fatness and ancientness.
In a bid to fend off the endorsement of McCain, Obama and Edwards teamed
up to spew viscious rumors. As reported on "Inside Edition" stories about
McCain shaving his head and eating massive amounts of Little Debbie
snackfoods to build his girth have been been spreading across the internet
for weeks.
When asked by a reporter if Obama, Edwards or Romney had been
considered for endorsement, the King of F.A.B.A., after a fit of laughter, said
"They disgrace all we stand for. Maybe Obama should go court the
Skinny-Ass Big Ear Society and Edwards and Romney should fight it out for
the Hairdressers' Union endorsement. They may age someday, but they will
never be fat or bald. Their prettiness disgusts us."
The F.A.B.A. endorsement vote was not even close. Two votes were initially
cast for McCain. But, the Emperor of F.A.B.A. was unable to take part
because, like Castro, he has been in seclusion with an undisclosed illness. In
a stunning development, against the advice of doctors, he emerged to cast
his vote via teleconference, making the decision unanimous. In his
weakened voice, the Emperor stated, "I never considered my own health. I
would cast my vote for the decrepit, rotund, McCain with my last breath if
need be."
When hearing of the endorsement, Senator McCain could not hold back his
tears of joy. He said, "I hoped for this, but could never let myself believe it
would happen. My victory is insured now and I will live up to all F.A.B.A.
stands for. Immediately after taking the oath of office I will strike down all
transfat bans, and in fact file a bill mandating that transfats be added to all
foods. Next, I will file legislation to shut down all Hair Clubs for Men and
outlaw toupees under the penalty of death. Futhermore, all citizens under the
age of 50 will be required to wear beanie caps so that they can immediately
be indentified and discriminated against in all areas of life. They will be
required to work at menial jobs and live in gated communities. Once they
turn fifty, and should they become bald or fat, they will be allowed to join us
in the glory that is F.A.B.A."
King Baldoni
PRIME MINISTER XXL
The Fat Aging and Bald association is a collaboration of corpulent innovators and folically challenged
senior leaders striving to:
* Enrich lives by fostering lifelong pride in our obesity and hair loss throughout the aging process.
* Provide personal growth by supporting the expanding the base of knowledge through our dining and
drinking research.
senior leaders striving to:
* Enrich lives by fostering lifelong pride in our obesity and hair loss throughout the aging process.
* Provide personal growth by supporting the expanding the base of knowledge through our dining and
drinking research.
"I have a dream.....
Someday all fat little bald children
will walk hand in hand with hairy
little children of correct body size
proportions, except the fat bald
kids will kick the thin asses of the
other kids on a daily basis.
And then, someday, in the future
also, the fat bald children will grow
old, and they will stink, and sweat,
and wear XXXL clothing and lead
our great nation to the line at the
Old County Buffet
http://www.oldcountrybuffet.com/
where they will wipe out the fried
chicken and mashed potatoes in
the blink of an eye.......
I HAVE A DREAM !!!"
-The Emperor Bolo
Someday all fat little bald children
will walk hand in hand with hairy
little children of correct body size
proportions, except the fat bald
kids will kick the thin asses of the
other kids on a daily basis.
And then, someday, in the future
also, the fat bald children will grow
old, and they will stink, and sweat,
and wear XXXL clothing and lead
our great nation to the line at the
Old County Buffet
http://www.oldcountrybuffet.com/
where they will wipe out the fried
chicken and mashed potatoes in
the blink of an eye.......
I HAVE A DREAM !!!"
-The Emperor Bolo
"We have nothing to
fear but hair itself."
-King Baldoni
fear but hair itself."
-King Baldoni
"I'm hungry."
-Prime Minister XXL
-Prime Minister XXL