In 1980 I played in a rock band called The Night People.
We bought another bus and went out to Connecticut a lot for some reason.
These guys were heavily into practical jokes.
One night while I was passed out, they took my shoes and socks off and painted my feet black with
liquid shoe polish.
I woke up with a "Please Kill Me," hangover, jumped into the shower, looked down at my black feet and
let a screech outta me.
I thought I had a disease.
It took me hours of scrubbing to get the black off my feet, and I began planning my revenge.
I hopped in the bus and went to the store.
I bought 6 tubes of super glue and 3 packages of hot dogs.
I waited for my band mates to borrow the bus to go out for more beer.
Then while they were gone, I went to work.
I cut the hot dogs into inch long pieces, and carefully placed a piece of a hot dog into every pocket of
every piece of clothing they owned.
Then I began super gluing everything they owned to whatever surface it was resting on.
I super-glued their shoes to the floor, their matches to their cigarettes,the lid to their coolers shut.
I glued their deodorant to the table. Etc Etc...
After the big "Get Even," I thought it was over.
It wasn't.
They got water balloons and greeted me with a total bombardment when I came into my room.
I borrowed a key to their room from the front desk. The wall switch turned on the wall plug where the
lamp plugged in. I knew that.
So I set up a flash bomb with a massive dose of flash powder, and waited.
When they came home they flicked the switch and got knocked on their asses by the explosion, which
set all the alarms off in the hotel.
The management was not happy with us.
Then they saw the damage that the water balloons had done, and they threw us out.
We got a new hotel.
The next day, While they were all asleep I changed all their watches and clocks 4 hours ahead.
Then I woke them up and told them they were late for the gig.
They all started taking showers and ironing clothes as fast as they could to get ready for the gig.
When It was just about time to leave, I pretended to be pissed at them for being late, and took off in the
bus without them.
I went to the pet store and bought two gerbils and a habit trail.
Then I came back, brought the gerbils into the hotel room, and told them that I'd decided not to go to
the gig.
...That I would stay in my room with my gerbils.
They thought I'd lost my F*cking mind.
I let it all go on till gig time, and they looked very worried and confused, and then I told them what I had
done with the clocks.
We all laughed our asses off for a while, and they promised never to screw around with me again.
The next day they filled my shoes with cool whip.
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SCRABBLE
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One time down in Springfield back in the early eighties, we were staying at this big old run down hotel.
Outside the hotel was a big sign which faced the highway. It had removable letters BIG REMOVABLE
LETTERS.
The sign said:
ALL YOU CAN EAT BREAKFAST HERE!
(in big removable letters)
After a gig one night, my drummer said, "Ooh! I got an idea!
Let me stand on your shoulders!"
So I did.
He got up on my shoulders and took all the letters off the sign.
Then he spread the letters out on the hood of a car and played scrabble with them.
He got back on my shoulders and put the letters back up.
Here;s what we read the next morning and for three more days before they finally changed it:
HEY BALLFACE!
As I said, it faced the highway, so thousands of people had to drive by and read our lovely greeting.
Still, it took them 3 days to take it down.